Saturday, October 12, 2013

GOP Stupid shutdown statement contest II: Red-River rivalry edition

So we’re back with our second edition of "stupid shutdown statements"

It’s a big football weekend in the south central states and Texas and Oklahoma face off in their annual rivalry game in Dallas. Frankly, as a Big-10 partisan, I don’t trust all these new-fangled things the Big-12 is using, like the spread offense and the forward pass, both of which I'm certain were inspired by Communists. I also resent Nebraska dragging down my favored conference's collective GPA since it joined in 2011.

Still, the Red River Rivalry is kind of important, so I thought it would be nice to showcase the verbal ineptitude of several of our fine congressional representatives from the great states of Texas and Oklahoma.

Follow me below the fold as the GOP statesmen bring the (economic) pain:

Leading off from the Lone Star state is Rep Joe Barton, who won the 2010 Heisman of Shame for apologizing to BP for the U.S. government having the gumption to fine it for spilling 190 million gallons of crude oil into the gulf.  Here at Raw Story, he waxes poetic on how the government is like a family sitting around the kitchen table, balancing its budget by deciding whether to stiff the phone company or the power company:

"We have in my household budget some bills that have to be paid and some bills that only are paid partially,’ Barton explained. "I think paying interest on the debt has to be paid. I think paying Social Security payments have to be paid. I don’t think paying the secretary of energy’s travel expenses have to be paid 100 cents on the dollar."

He added: "This talk about default by the U.S. Treasury is nonsense. The president can be smart or the president can be stupid. And I would assume as smart as President Obama is when push comes to shove, he’ll be smart."

"So, we are not going to default on the public debt. But that doesn’t mean that we have to pay every bill the day it comes in."
My friends, (including you, Sen. McCain) that there is an excellent example of why we need to teach financial literacy in our schools.

Countering is longtime-contender Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn, famous for his BCS-level-BS about the epidemic of lesbianism in his home state. He figures that this whole debt-ceiling thing will cause nary a fumble in the financial markets:
In an interview on the Fox Business channel on Tuesday, Coburn said the government might miss some payments but “might actually start living within our means” and cut wasteful spending.
Asked about how the financial markets might react to breaching the debt limit, Coburn said, “If we don't increase the debt limit, the markets will go down.
“And as soon as we solve this problem, the market will go back up ... But the point is the underlying economic fundamentals are not going to change significantly with us doing that.”

Of course, we couldn’t mention the Big-12 without rubbing some salt in their wounds by talking smack about how great the SEC is. To spoil the Red River tailgate (and to honor Democratic 'Dawg fan Ed Kilgore of the Political Animal blog), we introduce a Georgia representative who can bring All-American crazy to the mix. Phil Gingrey knows how to fire up his boys with this half-time speech to Roll Call:
"I mean, they seem to think that we will miss this opportunity for a ‘Braveheart’ moment to do the right thing for the American people and that we’ll back down for fear of losing the House and not gaining control of the Senate," Gingrey said.
Freedom! Imagine him with face paint and a kilt, (you’re welcome) and we’re in business.
With American political leaders like this, who needs homoerotic photos of Russian strongmen? What a country this is.

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